Murch

"Let's be honest - most of the posers in the square don't deserve the gear they've got. YOU deserve the gear they've got!"

- Murch upon the player first talking to him.❌

Murch is a character in Splatoon 2 who offers services related to gear and abilities.

Appearance
Murch is a sea urchin, looking similar to Spyke other than the fact that Murch has only one eye. Like Spyke, he has orange skin and his eye has green sclera, but with a purple iris and blue pupil. He wears a purple bandana with designs similar to Spyke's poncho, a white T-shirt with with black sleeves, black jean shorts, and blue shoes.

Personality
Murch mostly acts tough. He appears to think quite highly of himself, as seen in some of his dialogue, saying cockily that he "amazes even [himself]". He refers to the player rudely as "chum", and this is also shown in the Japanese localization, with Murch using the rude version of "you" when talking to the player, but the normal version of "I". However, he sincerely looks up to Spyke and tries to copy him, following his "get rich quick" scheme. When the player refuses to buy the gear they ordered from him, he brushes it off with a "whatevs." His rude, rough-and-ready manner may be partially because he is a literal "street urchin", and partially because he tries to imitate Spyke.

Description
Similar to Spyke in, Murch offers services that tweak abilities on gear. In addition to the same services Spyke offered, he provides a new service called gear scrubbing. Gear scrubbing wipes a gear item clean of its filled sub-ability slots, turning it back into an item with no slots filled. However, all abilities removed in this manner (and when re-rolling abilities) are turned into ability chunks. When enough ability chunks of the same kind are collected, they can be converted back into the corresponding ability and be put freely into a sub-ability slot on any gear. If ability chunks are used on a slot that is already filled, the new ability will replace the slot's contents and the old ability will be converted into an ability chunk.

He can also deliver orders made via SplatNet 2 on the Nintendo Switch Online app.

When ordering gear from other players, the probability of getting the same number of sub-abilities as the original piece of gear differs depending on the player's level and the number of slots the original gear had. A table detailing the different odds is listed below:

These values are identical to order system through Spyke, but  has an extra entry for players between level 16 to 19 that was not present in the first game.

Quotes
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🇺🇸 [[united states|us]] North America (English)
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 * “Take a look. It’s exactly what you asked for. Yeah, sometimes I amaze even myself.” -When the player’s order is exact.
 * ”Wanna buy it?”
 * “Whatevs. Get at me before the end of the day if you change your mind. I’ll trash it otherwise.” -When the player does not buy their order.
 * ”What piece of gear do you want to scrub, chum?”
 * ”Scrub this?”
 * ”Good as new, chum! Oh yeah, these ability chunks came out in the wash, so to speak, so here ya go. Don't lose 'em.”
 * ”You got a Super Sea Snail for me? You don't have a single snail? Pssh. Come back when you're ready to talk business” -When the player tries to increase slots or reroll without any Super Sea Snails.
 * ”What piece of gear do you want another slot in? It'll cost you one Super Sea Snail. I can also reroll the abilities of a piece of gear with full slots.”
 * “Add another slot?”
 * “Reroll the abilties?”
 * “It's done.” -When rerolling a piece of gear.
 * “Cool it, chum. You haven’t even ordered anything!”
 * “Hey, the stuff you ordered from Annie was just delivered.”
 * “Pssh. You already have that same gear! You know the rules. Which one do you want to keep?”
 * “Whatevs. Get at me if you change your mind.” -When the player chooses to keep their old gear instead of purchasing the gear ordered from Annie.
 * ”Word. Nice doing business.” -When buying something from Murch.
 * ”Later.” -When leaving after not buying something from Murch.
 * ”Later.” -When leaving after not buying something from Murch.

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[[undefined|nl]] Dutch
When the player talks to Murch before reaching level 4. (Eww... You smell that? Something smells here very musty. Listen, I don't want to diss you, but there are crumbs in my sofa that are fresher than you. Hmm, maybe I did want to diss you. Sorry. But I really can't help you before you have reached Orange S2. I have a reputation. Freshen yourself up with a couple of good brawls, and then we'll see. Later, gup.)
 * "Eww… Ruik je dat? Er ruikt hier iets heel erg muf. Luister, ik wil je niet lopen dissen, hoor, maar er zitten kruimels in mijn sofa die frisser zijn dan jij. Hmm, misschien wilde ik je toch lopen dissen. Sorry. Maar ik kan je echt niet helpen voor je Orange S2 hebt gehaald. Ik heb een reputatie. Fris jezelf wat op met een paar goeie knokpartijen, en dan zien we wel weer. Later, gup."

When the player at level 4 talks to Murch for the first time. (Yo, gup. Hey, buddy. I don't know you yet. And I can know it, I never forget a face. You look nice to me, so I want to give away a little secret to you. If you want to get things done here, you have to score the best Orange S2. Do you think to yourself sometimes: If only I had just such fresh Orange S2 like the folks that hang around the square? That's exactly where I'm great at! Just go straight to them and press . Do you like their Orange S2, then press to Orange S2 that. I can't promise that I always get the EXACT same gear with the EXACT same Orange S2, but I will do my best.)
 * "Yo, gup. Hey, maatje. Jou ken ik nog niet. En ik kan het weten, want ik vergeet nooit een gezicht. Je lijkt me wel jofel, dus ik wil je wel een geheimpje verraden. Als je hier iets voor elkaar wilt krijgen, moet je de beste Orange S2 scoren. Denk je soms weleens: had ik maar net zo’n frisse Orange S2 als die luitjes die op het plein rondhangen? Da’s precies waar ik goed in ben! Ga gewoon op ze af en druk op . Vind je hun Orange S2 wel wat, druk dan op om die te Orange S2. Ik kan niet beloven dat ik altijd PRECIES dezelfde uitrusting met PRECIES dezelfde Orange S2 kan vinden, maar ik zal m’n best doen."

When the player at level 10 talks to Murch for the first time. (Yo, gup. Out of the way everyone! A big cheese is coming through! You get along pretty well, buddy. But I think you're just getting started. If you need something, tell me, okay? If you see a fresh bird on the square, walk straight to them and press . You can use to immediately Orange S2 the same Orange S2!)
 * "Yo, gup. Aan de kant allemaal! Er moet een hoge pief door! Je schiet al aardig op, maatje. Maar volgens mij begin je pas net. Als je wat moet hebben, zeg je het maar, oké? Als je een extreem verse vogel ziet op het plein, loop er dan op af en druk op . Je kunt met direct dezelfde Orange S2!"

When the player at level 16 talks to Murch for the first time. (Yo, gup. Hooo, wait a minute! Your level is so high that you rise above the sea level! Promise me that you won't forget me when you completely made it! If I hang around with you, maybe I can finally impress Spyke! That dude is raw, man! Don't forget you can press to get a good peep at someone on the square, and then  to Orange S2 the same Orange S2.)
 * "Yo, gup. Hooo, wacht ’s eventjes! Je niveau is zo hoog dat je boven de zeespiegel uitkomt! Beloof me dat je me niet vergeet als je het helemaal hebt gemaakt! Als ik met jou rondhang, dan maak ik misschien eindelijk indruk op Spyke! Die gast is rauw, man! Vergeet niet dat je op kunt drukken om ’s goed naar iemand op het plein te gluren, en op  om dezelfde Orange S2 te Orange S2."

When the player at level 20 talks to Murch for the first time. (Yo, gup. What a FORMIDABLE level! I am already honored that you talk with me! Are you the legend who Spyke always talks about? But such a dizzying high level means completely nothing in Inkopolis if you walk around in dull stuff. If you want to impress Spyke, you have to have the most fresh gear of the world! Don't worry, I am here for you! And remember: Press to take a good look at a hip bird, and  to Orange S2 the same Orange S2.
 * "Yo, gup. Wat een FORMIDABEL niveau! Ik ben al vereerd dat je met me praat! Ben jij die legende waar Spyke het altijd over heeft? Maar zo’n duizelingwekkend hoog niveau betekent helemaal noppes in Inkopolis als je rondloopt in suffe spullen. Als je indruk wilt maken op Spyke, heb je de allerverste uitrusting ter wereld nodig! Maak geen zorgen, ik sta voor je klaar! Hou goed in je koppie: Druk op om een hippe vogel ’s goed te bekijken, en op  om dezelfde Orange S2 te Orange S2."

When the player talks to Murch a second time after any of previous instances. (Yo, gup.)
 * "Yo, gup."

When the player selects to order on the square. (You want to order something?) (You want to have this?)
 * "Wil je wat bestellen?"
 * "Wil je dit hebben?"

When the player has selected to order something. (Good. I only receive Orange S2, so you have to come back again tomorrow.)
 * ''"Goed. Ik krijg maar Orange S2 binnen, dus kom morgen maar weer terug.

When the player selects something which cannot be ordered. (No, I think that's a bit too dangerous. I won't order.)
 * "Nee, dat vind ik iets te link. Bestel ik niet."

When the player's order hasn't arrived yet. (Easy there, tigerfish. I am still working on your order. Come back again Orange S2.
 * "Rustig 's, tijgervis. Ik ben nog bezig met je bestelling. Kom Orange S2 nog maar eens terug."

When the player hasn't ordered anything. (Eh... gup? You haven't ordered anything!)
 * "Eh… gup? Je hebt helemaal niks besteld!"

When the player's Splatnet Gear Shop order has arrived. (Hey! The stuff that you ordered by Annie has arrived!) (You want to buy it?)
 * "Hé! Het spul dat je hebt besteld bij Anne is binnen!"
 * "Wil je het kopen?"

When the player's in-game order has arrived and it is exactly as ordered. (Listen and shiver! Your order has arrived and it is exactly what you wanted. Sometimes I even amaze myself...) (You want to buy it?)
 * "Luister en huiver! Je bestelling is binnen en het is exact wat je wilde. Soms sta ik verteld van mezelf..."
 * "Wil je het kopen?"

When the player already owns the same piece of gear. (Hm, you already have exactly the same Orange S2! Well, you have to choose. Which one you want to keep?)
 * "Hm, je hebt al precies dezelfde Orange S2! Tja, dan moet je kiezen. Welke wil je bewaren?"

When the player selects to buy it. (Cool. I'll see you again.)
 * "Cool. Ik zie je wel weer verschijnen."

When the player selects not to buy the gear they ordered from the Splatnet Gear Shop. (Alright. Come back when you you change your mind.)
 * "Ook goed. Kom maar terug als je je bedenkt."

When the player selects not to buy the gear they ordered in-game. (Alright. If you change your mind, come back before the Orange S2. If not, then I'll throw everything in the trash.)
 * "Ook goed. Mocht je je bedenken, kom dan voor het Orange S2 terug. Zo niet, dan gaat de boel bij het grofvuil."

When the player selects to re-roll slots or add slots but has yet to get any Super Sea Snail. (Sorry gup, I am busier than busy. Come back later.)
 * "Sorry gup, ik heb het drukker dan druk. Kom later nog maar eens terug."

When the player selects to re-roll slots or add slots. (Which Orange S2 has to get an extra Orange S2? That is going to cost you one Orange S2. If you have gear of which all slots are being used, I can alter the Orange S2 of it.)
 * Welke Orange S2 moet een extra Orange S2 krijgen? Dat kost je één Orange S2. Als je uitrusting hebt waarvan alle Orange S2 al worden gebruikt, kan ik de Orange S2 ervan wijzigen.

When the player selects a piece of gear to add slots to. (You want more slots?) (Ta-da!)
 * "Wil je meer vakjes?"
 * "Tada!"

When the player selects a piece of gear to re-roll. (Alter abilities, yes?) (I have altered them.)
 * "Effecten wijzigen, ja?"
 * "Ik heb ze gewijzigd."

When the player selects to scrub slots for the first time. (What? You have never Orange S2 the slots of your gear? Really? Okay, pay attention, I'll explain it to you. If your not so happy with the abilities of your gear, you can Orange S2 the slots and have a fresh start. When the Orange S2 are Orange S2, you can give your gear new abilities by earning points in battles. You get the wiped abilities back in the form of Orange S2, so that is very important to remember. You can get the previous abilities back by combine an amount of Orange S2. Are you still following it? What it comes down to is that you can Orange S2 your ability slots of your equipment to give it a new life! Just try it a time, gup. It's not free, but you getting something out of it.)
 * "Wat? Heb je nog nooit de vakjes van je uitrusting Orange S2? Echt? Oké, let op, ik leg ’t je uit. Als je niet zo happy bent met de effecten van je uitrusting, kun je de vakjes Orange S2 en met een schone lei beginnen. Wanneer je Orange S2 hebt Orange S2, kun je je uitrusting weer nieuwe effecten meegeven door punten te verdienen in gevechten. De gewiste effecten krijg je terug in de vorm van Orange S2, dus dat is wel even belangrijk om te onthouden. Je kunt je vorige effecten weer terugkrijgen door een aantal Orange S2 samen te voegen. Volg je het nog? Het komt erop neer dat je effectvakjes kunt Orange S2 om je uitrusting een nieuw leven te geven! Probeer ’t gewoon een keer, gup. Het is niet gratis, maar dan heb je ook wat."

When the player selects to scrub slots. (Of which gear do you want the slots emptied, gup?)
 * "Van welke uitrusting wil je de vakjes legen, gup?"

After the player selects which piece of gear to scrub slots. (You want to empty this?)
 * "Wil je dit legen?"

After the player selects to scrub a piece of gear but doesn't have enough cash. (Sorry gup, You first need enough dough before I work with you.)
 * "Sorry gup, je moet eerst kunnen dokken voordat ik met je in zee ga."

When the player selects to use ability chunks for the first time. (You surely have never used Orange S2 to make a Orange S2 before, right? Yeah, I already thought so. If you have enough Orange S2, you can add an ability to a piece of gear of choice! You can add abilities to gear that already full with abilities. The old abilities are saved as reusable ability chunks. You really have to try this sometime.
 * "Je hebt zeker nog nooit eerder Orange S2 gebruikt om een Orange S2 te maken, toch? Ja, dat dacht ik al. Als je genoeg Orange S2 hebt, kun je aan een stuk uitrusting een effect naar keuze toevoegen! Je kunt ook effecten toevoegen aan uitrusting die al vol effecten is. De oude effecten worden bewaard als herbruikbare effectfragmenten. Dat moet je echt een keer geprobeerd hebben!"

When the player selects to use ability chunks. (Choose the Orange S2 and the desired Orange S2.)
 * "Kies de Orange S2 en het gewenste Orange S2."

After the player selects a piece of gear and the ability chunks to use it on. (Add this Orange S2?) (And done! Hopefully you now have exactly what you need to win a lot. If not, I am not to blame!)
 * "Dit Orange S2 toevoegen?"
 * "En klaar! Hopelijk heb je nu precies wat je nodig hebt om veel te winnen. Zo niet, is het niet mijn schuld!"

When the player leaves. (Later.) }}
 * "Later."

Trivia

 * The briefcase next to Murch can be seen slightly open. Inside the briefcase, some Super Sea Snails without shells can be seen. Murch can also be heard playing Squid Jump from Splatoon.
 * Some of Murch's dialog suggests he looks up to Spyke.
 * This was confirmed in a developer interview, where it was stated that Murch and Spyke grew up in the same town, and Murch started working for Spyke since he had looked up to him for a long time.
 * Murch appears to have been based off of a banded sea urchin.
 * According to the relationship chart posted by Nintendo, Craymond and Murch have some form of history together. All that is known is that Murch seems to think positively of Craymond, while Craymond seems to regret his history with Murch.
 * Murch was on Team Order for the Chaos vs. Order Splatfest, as it reflects the focus he needs for his job.

Etymology
Murch's name is a combination of merch, short for "merchandise" and an allusion to his services, and urchin, referring to his species.